


The First Annual 3-Team Holiday Party (aka Leonard regrets his life choices)

by kesomon



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Christmas Party, Denial of Feelings, Ensemble Cast, Gen, Karaoke, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Singing, These dorks, puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-13
Updated: 2016-04-13
Packaged: 2018-06-01 23:13:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6540508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kesomon/pseuds/kesomon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the end, the first annual Legends-Flash-Arrow crew holiday party could be blamed on Sara.</p>
<p>Or, Leonard makes poor life decisions, contemplates homicide, and comes to some uncomfortable realizations. And there is singing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The First Annual 3-Team Holiday Party (aka Leonard regrets his life choices)

**Author's Note:**

> It's not too late for christmas stuff, right?
> 
> I thought up this plot bunny on Tumblr back in December, Len and Mick singing 'Heat/Cold Miser'. It also features plot bunny #257, 'Barry can mimic voices/sing perfectly because Vibrations, and Len finds this Hot.'
> 
> Unbeta'd.

In the end, the first annual Legends-Flash-Arrow crew holiday party could be blamed on Sara.

“I’m saying we need a vacation,” she insisted, leaning elbows on the ops table on the bridge. “Drinks, dancing, somewhere without actual peril. No ulterior motives, no secret missions, just relaxation. You do know what that is, right?”

Rip opened his mouth to object on principle - ‘ _The Waverider is not a taxi service, Ms. Lance,’ -_ and then closed it, examining his people with a critical eye.

Martin and Jax, slumped in their jump chairs. The Firestorm duo listed badly against each-other, the younger clearly trying to avoid nodding off. Stein appeared to be in a fugue state, staring blankly into space. Both were begrimed with soot, too exhausted to clean up after the last mission.

Ray and Kendra, absent from the bridge, because Ray was patching Kendra’s wing in the med bay. The smell of singed feathers still lingered on the air, acrid and sour, and Gideon was running the scrubbers double-time to clear it.

Leonard and Mick, lurking on opposite sides of the room, a formerly well-oiled partnership still strained from recent events. Mick hugged the wall, face blackened with ash, silent and uncomfortable. Leonard, not much better in appearance, was sans his parka and hovered next to Sara, arms crossed. He at least had bothered to scrub his face clean, but his clothes still carried the scent of smoke.

“Come on, Rip. Just give us a couple of days back in 2016. It won’t damage the timeline, the Time Masters won’t look for us since it’s our own time, and we won’t have to look over our shoulders because Savage is dead there.” Sara smiled beseechingly, an echo of the sweet girl she had been long ago - a _master_ of manipulation when it came to father-figures. “I miss my friends, my family. We all do. Even Leonard misses his sister - don’t deny it, Snart.” The man rolled his eyes, but inclined his head to accede her the point. Sara grinned and turned back to Rip. “We are _literally_ burnt out, here. We all need a break. So how about it, Captain?”

Rip sighed. “All right. Three days. But, I have ground rules, and they will be followed. One: no criminal activity.” Snart’s lips twitched. “Two: no use of the Jump Ship to make unauthorized travel plans.” Jax rolled his eyes. “Three: no-”

“Please, Captain,” Leonard drawled, interrupting the man quite effectively. “We know the rules by now. We just _choose_ not to follow them.”

Hunter glared at him. “Yes, well. For the sake of _my_ relaxation, please attempt to do so this time?”

The smirk the thief gave him promised nothing.

Rip looked pained, and turned to Sara. “I suppose you have a destination in mind?”

Sara grinned.

**Ooo---oOo---ooO**

“If it isn’t my favorite time-travelers!” Cisco crowed, spreading his arms wide as if he could hug any of them through the transmission. Off to the side, Rip was looking queasy, so maybe it wasn’t entirely out of the realm of possibility. “What’s the occasion?”

“Party,” Sara announced gleefully. The engineer lit up at the single word.

“Ah, ah, say no more,” he purred, rubbing his hands together. “I assume we need a big venue?”

“Two teams and a crew, definitely.”

“Mm. I’m thinking, drinks, dancing, tunes?”

“We’ve only got three days, fun _must_ be had.”

“Fun will be had for sure, _chica_.” He glanced over her shoulder. “I assume the dynamic duo is joining us?”

“Pass,” Leonard sniffed, but Sara grabbed his arm and yanked him forward. “ _Nice try_ ,” she hissed, and looked back at Cisco. “Yes, they’ll be there.”

Cisco looked pensive, but nodded just the same. “Okay. Cool, I’ll see if I can get in touch with Lisa. When are you guys due in? It’s just past Thanksgiving here.”

“I was thinking Christmas?”

Cisco beamed. “Hey, perfect! We’ve already got some plans. Set your date to, uh....say the 22nd. Central City; we’ve got all the holiday snow, Team Arrow is totally jealous of us.”

Sara grinned. “Roger that, Cisco. We’ll be there.”

“Awesome. Vibe, out,” the man quipped, saluting with a couple fingers, and the transmission winked out.

“I’m regretting this already,” Rip muttered.

**Ooo---oOo---ooO**

There was a welcoming committee waiting for them when the Waverider touched down in 2016, settling into the same place it had taken off from several relative months ago. Cisco stood there, bundled in a blue parka. Barry was a vibrating bundle of excitement beside him - or perhaps he was superspeeding his shiver reflex to stay warm. The sky was depositing fat, fluffy flakes on their shoulders as the crew disembarked. Kendra immediately bent to embrace the smaller meta. Jax and Stein were each embraced in turn by a lady Martin’s age - his beloved Clarissa, if Leonard had to guess. Jax looked rather embarrassed, but pleased. Sara and Ray beelined for a huddle consisting of Oliver Queen, Sara’s sister Laurel, and Felicity Smoak, now wheelchair-bound. The thief wondered when that had happened.

There was a whoosh and a red blur that coalesced into a grinning Barry Allen.

“Don’t start!” Len barked, cutting the speedster off before he could utter a word. “If I hear one word out of your mouth about heroisms for the next three days, I will ice you to the floor and let Mick sit on your head.”

“Not even if you let me set him on fire after,” Mick growled as he stomped past.

Barry stared after the pyro for a moment, then snorted. “Welcome back, Snart,” he greeted with just a trace of sarcasm. “Have a nice trip? How’s traveling in time? Meet any interesting people?”

“Stole a lot of stuff,” Leonard baited with a smirk. “Best shopping trip ever.”

Barry favored him with a sardonic laugh.

“Very funny.”

“Captain Hunter!”

Cisco’s call drew the attention of them both, and they turned to watch as the engineer stomped towards the ship. It was the only way he could really navigate the growing drifts without falling flat on his face, but it certainly had the effect of terrifying the good Captain. Rip Hunter looked like retreating back into the ship was a better option than meeting someone history said was a veritable god, power-wise.

He should have brought popcorn.

“You’re recording this, right Gideon?” Leonard murmured to the ship AI.

_Indeed Mr. Snart,_ the AI confirmed pleasantly in his ear-comm. Leonard suppressed the urge to cackle.

“Welcome to 2016, Captain,” Vibe greeted, holding out a gloved hand to the time traveler, and Rip took it as though he was being handed pure nitrogen and asked to shake the bottle.

“Thank you, Mr. Ramon,” he said, hesitant, and attempted to withdraw - Cisco just grinned, rather shark-like, and tightened his grip.

“You’re going to join us, Mr. Hunter. Brooding in your spaceship isn’t allowed at a Team Flash party.”

Rip Hunter gulped.

“Yes sir.”

As Lisa would say, the meeting was pure gold.

**Ooo---oOo---ooO**

The party itself was held at Star Labs - the only place, Cisco explained, with a big enough venue that they could combine three teams of superheros ( _and villains, Snart insisted_ ) without a.) having to hold their tongues about Top Secret Shenanigans, b.) being unprepared for a supervillain attack ( _surprisingly common for their gatherings, to Len’s horror_ ), or c.) run the risk of killing each-other before the night was over. ( _Why had everyone looked at Barry when they said that? Inquiring criminals wanted to know._ )

Either way, once tensions had died down - or at least left to simmer on low - folks broke off into smaller clusters. Somehow, despite his best efforts to melt into the wall and make his escape, Len found himself sandwiched between Sara Lance and his sister on one of the Star Labs couches, with Sara’s sister Laurel, Barry, and Cisco perched on coffee tables, couch arms, and the floor alike.

“It’s hilarious,” Sara was giggling, flapping a hand for emphasis. “Every time we mention your name around Rip he gets this...look,” and she tried best to demonstrate The Look(™) while three cups into her drink. “It’s...It’s like you’re Jesus and you’ve just hit him with a dead fish!”

“I thought that was weird that first time I called you guys up,” Cisco proclaimed, jabbing a candy cane at the ex-assassin. “So I asked Gideon about it, and she gave me all the dirt.” His grin was entirely too evil for a white hat. “At this point, I’m _totally_ messing with him. Every time.”

The Lance sisters went off in peals of laughter. Even Len cackled a bit. Lisa grinned, combing her fingers through Cisco’s hair.

“Hmm,” the engineer murred blissfully, leaning back between her legs. “Totally worth it. The guy needs a peg or two knocked out of him.”

“Pity it wasn’t the stick up his ass,” Len snarked, making Barry choke on his own drink, spluttering with laughter. The thief rolled his eyes to his nemesis and smirked. “I was rather interested to learn you had a psychic on your side, Flash. It seems like that’s an unfair advantage in our agreement. You could learn anything you wanted.”

“What, like the fact you still sleep with a teddy bear?” Allen grinned at the sharp glare Len shot him and jabbed a thumb at Lisa. “Blame her for that one. She made me sweep your place top to bottom for clues when you disappeared.”

“Do not judge me for Atticus,” Leonard said coolly. “Don’t forget I had a good look around your place last Christmas. A nightlight, Barry? Really?”

Scarlet flushed scarlet. “It helps with the nightmares.”

“We’re all emotionally damaged, we get it,” Laurel interjected before the argument could escalate further. “How about some secrets that don’t involve our hilariously tragic coping methods?”

“Oh, oh!” Cisco actually raised his hand. “Me, I have one.” When they all looked at him, he grinned smugly. “I can move things with my mind.”

“You can flick pencil erasers across the room,” Barry corrected him, patting his head. “It’s not a secret. Didn’t Harry tell you he’d shove the next one up your nostril if you kept pelting him with them while whispering ‘ _waddi-wassi_ ’?”

“Just you wait. I’ll get a handle on it eventually and then we’ll see who’s the better wizard.” Cisco huffed, and settled back down. Lisa, meanwhile, grinned at Len slyly. Leonard frowned. That smile never meant anything good.

“Lenny can sing.”

No.

“Aw, really Lenny?” Sara, clinging to his arm with the delighted grin of a cat that’s found a mouse. “How come we’ve never heard you?”

“I don’t sing.”

“He does, and he’s really good too,” the Traitor Of His Blood continued. “He’s always humming when he plans stuff. He doesn’t do it in public because he’s embarrassed.”

That’s it, he was going to be an only child in 30 seconds. “Lisa-”

“Hey, you know what we should do?” Laurel piped up, suddenly eager. “Karaoke. Cisco, you’ve still got that set up, right?”

Oh Hell No.

“I’m going to go rob something,” Leonard announced, and tried to leave. Tried, being the optimal word; both Sara and Lisa latched firm to his arms and tugged him back onto the couch. Barry grinned sympathetically.

“It’s not so bad, Snart. Drunken Karaoke parties are kinda a tradition with Team Flash. Well, sorta.”

Leonard glared at him cold enough to freeze the speedster solid.

“I don’t _sing_ in public.”

“Aw, come on Lenny,” Lisa cajoled, leaning on his shoulder and giving him a pitiful look. “Please? For meeee? After you left me here. Alone. To go Time Traveling. Without telling me,” She finished with a dangerous glint in her eyes.

Len considered his options.

“Fine,” he said shortly and leaned forward to grab a napkin from the table. He scribbled something sharply on its surface. “But only if Scarlet sings too.”

Allen blinked. “What?”

“If I have to humiliate myself, fair is fair.” He grinned sharply. “And it has to be a song _I_ pick.”

He handed the napkin over to Barry. Allen took one look at it and snapped his head up, “On second thought, guys, I think Snart’s right- besides, I’m kinda not allowed to do karaoke anymore.”

“Oh no,” Laurel interjected, “you don’t get to back out of it that easy.”

“No, it’s true. Barry isn’t allowed to sing at karaoke,” Cisco informed them, nodding his head gravely. Allen looked embarrassed.

“Caitlin kinda banned me from doing it because I can’t get drunk, and so it’s, quote, an unfair advantage to everyone else,” he agreed. “Sorry Snart.”

“Then I don’t sing.”

“Both of you will sing,” Laurel said decisively. “Everyone will. Cisco, go set up.”

“Cool,” the engineer exclaimed, hopping to his feet. “Be ready in five minutes!”

Len wondered if he could convince Mick to burn the labs to the ground in the next 5 minutes.

He looked over at his partner. The pyro was in a discussion with Dr. Wells, Stein, and Ray; from the blissed-out look, they were probably discussing firepower and explosions. Damn.

Len slugged his drink back, and stood.

“Let’s get this over with,” he growled, and extricated himself from the group. “Mick!”

“Yeah?” His partner grumbled.

“We’re gonna sing.” If Len was going down, he was going to make it as painful as possible for the rest of them.

Mick stared at Len like he was nuts. “Like hell we are, what for?”

“So Lisa doesn’t gild our balls in our sleep.”

Mick looked past him to Lisa, who smiled sweetly and gave him a finger-wave.

“Fair enough,” the pyro grunted.

**Ooo---oOo---ooO**

The way it worked out, Cisco had a randomizer for picking the order of his victims, which meant Len at least had a stay of execution. At least he had time to get a few more drinks in him before it was his turn. In the meantime, Len was treated to some excellent blackmail material. Who knew Oliver Queen could do 80’s rock ballads so well, or that Joe West could croon a jazz number worthy of the club scene? Or that Martin Stein knew all the words to Britney Spear’s ‘Toxic’ and sung it with clenched teeth and a scowl at his trollful youth of a partner ( _‘that’s what you get for getting ‘disco inferno’ stuck in my head for a week, Gray!’_ )?

Hunter finished mangling the lyrics to ‘Burning Love’ and hurried back to his seat as quickly as possible. He looked quite discomfited by the two thumbs up and sardonic smile Cisco gave him, and _really_ , the man _had_ to grow a spine when it came to godlike metas.

And then, it was Len’s turn.

Now, the secret about Len was, he did like to sing. And he was pretty good at it. But when forced into something he didn’t want to do, Len had one simple rule: Own it like it was his idea all along, and make the rest _suffer_.

Which is why he had convinced Mick to join him.

The secret about Mick was, he also liked to sing.

He was also very bad at it.

This did not deter the pyro in the slightest.

“I'm Mister Green Christmas, I'm Mister Sun,” his partner bellowed with tone-deaf enthusiasm. “I'm Mister Heat Blister, I'm Mister Hundred and One...They call me Heat Miser, whatever I touch, starts to melt in my clutch. I'm too much!”

Leonard, meanwhile, poured every ounce of disdain for this activity into his delivery, deliberately shrouding himself in the most camp of Captain Cold’s mannerisms. Each line was drawled with the most deadpan, movie-mobster drawl he could manage, and if the line was even the slightest bit suggestive? He laid on emphasis, leering at the Flash until Allen was hiding a fantastically embarrassed blush under his hands.

“I'm Mister White Christmas, I'm Mister Snow. I'm Mister Icicle, I'm Mister Ten Below. Friends call me Snow Miser, whatever I touch, Turns to _ice_ in my clutch. I'm too much.”

The rest of the party-goers were in paroxysms of laughter and moans over the truly awful puns. The duo wrapped up the song and bowed with flourish before reseating themselves, and Len smirked at Allen.

“Your turn.”

Barry leaned into Len’s personal space. Startled, the thief frowned at him as he stole Len’s freshly poured drink and downed it in one swallow.

“Joke’s on you, Cold,” the hero replied smoothly. “I used to do Glee Club in high school.”

He backed out of Len’s space to take up the mic, and Len was left feeling a bit flustered, for some reason.

“Okay guys, I know we’ve got a point system going here, but consider me exempt,” Barry said with a self-conscious grin. “Also why I took the last spot in the lineup.”

“Show em how it’s done, Barry!” Cisco shouted.

The music queued up, instantly recognizable, and there were a few hoots and whistles from the audience as Barry smirked into the microphone.

Then he opened his mouth and Len began to suspect he had made a terrible mistake in song choices.

“You remind me of the babe,” his nemesis crooned, “what babe? The babe with the power. What power?” And _somehow,_ Flash was throwing his voice, quick enough to duet with himself and with a variance that made it sound as though two people were speaking - and neither one was Barry.

“I saw my baby, crying hard as babe could cry,” Allen sung, sounding nearly identical to David Bowie, “What could I do? My baby's love had gone, and left my baby blue, nobody knew.”

Iris wolf-whistled as Barry grinned and slid into the ‘dance, magic dance’ bit of the song, complete with Jareth-worthy hip-thrusts, completely without shame.

Snart was not drunk enough for this.

Or maybe he was _too_ drunk. Len felt his face warm unpleasantly, feeling short of breath and lightheaded. Had to be the booze. Because there was no other explanation for the way his chest felt tight and warmth swirled in his gut when Barry Allen flashed him a cheeky wink and finished the song with a flourish of an invisible cape, using his speed to disappear in the same instant. At least there hadn’t been a puff of glitter.

A tiny gust of breeze accompanied his reappearance in the seat next to Leonard, hair wind-blown and face flushed with the adrenaline rush of the spotlight.

“How the hell did you do that, kid?”

“I can vibrate my vocal cords at will,” the speedster admitted casually, sipping from a glass of water. “I use it to disguise my voice in the field, but I also have perfect pitch. I can do awesome impressions.”

Leonard’s mind whirled with possibilities. Beating the hell out of any voice recognition lock among them. “Sure I can’t convince you to go Rogue, kid?”

Barry laughed, and the sound went straight to Len’s traitorous groin.

“Sorry, Snart. No can do. The light side has better cookies.”

“Encore, Barry!”

“All right, I’m coming!” The speedster grinned at Len as he left.

Len’s eyes helplessly followed him, until blonde hair interrupted his line of sight. Sara plopped down in the seat next to him with a knowing look.

“Shut up,” Leonard muttered, and poured himself a new shot.

The White Canary said nothing, only hummed in satisfaction as Barry started up the opening lines of ‘White Christmas,’ befitting the holiday season. As the voice of Bing Crosby crooned of sleigh bells and snow, Barry glanced Len’s way, and the thief felt his heart clench.

Oh hell.

He recognized the symptoms. It was rare for him, but unmistakable. What it meant was terrifying and inescapable, and there was nothing Len could do.

Sullen, the criminal picked up his drink and downed it in one go. Maybe if he drank enough, he could forget that dreadful epiphany.

Leonard Snart was head-over-heels in lust with Barry Allen.


End file.
